the caged bird
by psychoravenn
Summary: Isa didn't know how to let him go. Feudal AU


"Winter desolation  
What speaks is  
the caged bird"

— Takahashi Awajijo

* * *

The first assault hit the castle not like a storm, but like the last autumn breeze: Mortal, certainly, but brief. It was more of an omen, distinct as the ash preceding the fire, warning that the siege would be long. And in the high walls the right hand of lands' Lord observed the fine line dividing the sky and the earth spreading with golden light.

The sunset then reminded him of hell.

**—**

His name was Lea, and he enjoyed the reputation of one who had beheaded the strongest enemies to bring their heads and dark teeth before his Lord. He didn't carry himself with the sort of solemnity characteristic of his people but with the quickness of the best samurai in the western lands.

They also said that his father had served the father of the Lord and had known him all his life, that the bond that they shared was strong as the steel of their weapons and that he was His eyes on distant lands and His sword in every battle for new conquests. Farmers gossiped during harvest, and the word was that Lea was the real reason Lord Isa had never married.

The Lord's name was Isa and he had a serious face and an conceited attitude. His reputation was the one of a strict ruler whose steady hand had served in bringing fortune and greatness to the lands he ruled, but with an inflexible character that also served to create conflicts with neighboring lands' lords. There was no inch of his kingdom that was negotiable, no farmer or samurai whose hair could be touched by strangers: any act of violence against his people was an offense to be punished immediately.

And Lea's hand never trembled when applying punishment.

**—**

"My Lord."

"Wipe that smile off your face, Lea."

"But I brought sake with me. Not a good enough offering for you, my Lord?"

"If they heard you talk like that…"

"With all due respect."

"Sarcastically."

"Now you're hurting my feelings."

"Just come closer."

Isa always had the same solemn and serious air. Lea remembered playing in the gardens with his wooden sword and feeling someone's gaze on him. Then he would turn and Isa would be sitting there, staring at the moon, with an indifference that he knew was faked.

Isa remembered observing him play with the same intensity he focused on observing the winter moon, the kind of fascination reserved for forbidden things. It was not his duty to play with other children, but Lea always found ways to take him away, more and more often.

It was in that same garden that, when the world of adulthood seemed to be reaching them, Lea swore allegiance until death. His oath was sealed with the sword that recognized him as a samurai and a kiss on the mouth of the future Lord of the western lands.

**—**

The night before the first assault, Lea released every bird in the castle so they could get lost in the starry sky. After that he drank sake with his men, sitting on the top of the main wall. Nobody talked about battles or wars but they drank with the joy of those who know it can very well be the last drink of their lives. Lea saved his best bottle of sake and when the moon was at the top of the sky he walked to the farthest room in the castle.

"Is this close enough?"

"No, not tonight."

"Then I'm not the only one being paranoid."

"Hardly. The obviousness of the enemy is almost insulting."

"I'll have the troops out early. I won't gift them with opportunity for an ambush."

"They want to claim my land, they will try to claim the castle."

"This is the part where I suggest - with the greatest respect - that you should leave the damn place before it burst into flames."

"Yet you'll keep that kind suggestion to yourself as you know very well I will not move."

"You underestimate your enemies."

"Rather, I seem to overestimate your abilities."

"My Lord, this place will be hell."

"I always thought that you had something of a demon in you."

"I think the same thing about you. With that fascination you have with the moon, anyone would believe so."

"Such an insult deserves a punishment."

Lea laughed and his laughter shook the candle flames. His laughter echoed off the walls and into Isa's chest. His laughter resembled a summer afternoon fifteen years before, when the war and the duties of their positions were still expectations of a distant future that had more to do with grandiose battles against impossible beasts, and celebrations in honor of the both of them, that the certainty of death.

But fifteen years ago they didn't know that passion is only possible because there is the threat of death. Fifteen years ago they would have believed they were gods themselves, though a truth nestled in Lea's heart: the Gods envied mortal kisses, because they come from those who know the day could be their last, and it was there, and only there, where one could live fully: in places where they might never be again with the distinctive beauty brought by the curse of mortality, at the time real life is a volatile explosion.

**—**

Lea ran, ran, ran in the never-ending, infinite corridors of the castle.

The enemy troops exceeded any number imaginable and they where searching for the one he had sworn to protect.

Lea ran up to the door that he had so often crossed .

Lea ran and oh, God, how long had it been since the last time he had prayed.

Lea ran.

**—**

The first assault to the castle was the beginning of a siege that lasted fourteen days and fourteen nights. The exact number of days that Lea and the rest of the samurais held out against every hit, buying time for their Lord to leave the castle and get an army of enormous proportions, big enough to bring him victory.

On the evening of the fourteenth day Lea stood at the entrance of the castle and when absolutely everything was ablaze, committed sepukku.

On the evening of a day no one could number, the lord of the western lands, Isa, looked for him in vain.

**—**

Lea had said "let me go"

Lea had insisted "let me go"

But Isa didn't know how.

Lea always seemed as natural to him as the sound of the wind and the dance of the flames. He was as ephemeral as anything nature gave him, all but the moon and the stars.

Lea then told him to gather an army and return to their land later. He would defend his kingdom meanwhile.

Isa, who did not know what to do without the sound of the wind or the dance of the flames, said,

"Find me when it's over."

And Lea said,

"I'll look for you in my next life and in the following. I'll search for you in a thousand lives more, even if you don't wait for me and I will pray for the first time just so I can find you."

Isa said—

**—**

The castle was still standing proudly as a injured dragon, stunning despite the flames, although with every passing hour a new crack shook the old structure. By then Isa had to be far away. By then it was enough.

Lea walked through the destroyed gardens to the castle entrance with the clear minded nostalgia of the dying.

Hey, Isa. The moon seems to be looking at me so I guess she can give you a message or two.

Hey, Isa. Do you remember this place?

People are always lost with beautiful things, so is the moon, so is sun, so are we. There is something beautiful in the unavoidable horror.

**—**

When Lea closes his eyes and the steel breaks through his skin, he sees him without his ceremonial clothes watching the sunset, long hair that reflects all the stars in the sky falling down his broad back

he thinks then that when the sun covers the moon it's dyed red

and wonders if the birds he freed will find good destinations.


End file.
